Vivid Dreams

Ok, so I've had a bunch since being pregs, but they are getting wierder and more realistic every night. I've had dreams early on in the preggercy of me taking the baby out of my belly and holding it before putting it back in. I've actually had this dream of my friend megan when she was pregnant w/ her first as well. The only diff between the two, is that her baby was totally normal and mine was literally an alien. It was so creepy! It was so real looking too. I think I pulled it out to find out if it was a boy or a girl and just ended up being horrified by it. Well, fortunately, I haven't had any other creepy dreams about the baby that I can remember. But as of late, I am dreaming something less creepy, but more terrifying...labor. Last night was by far the most realistic and scary one yet. I was in the hospital and they wheeled in the bed and gown for me to get ready to have the baby. James was there in the room w/ me and I looked at him, looked at the bed and gown, and all of a sudden a rush of fear and nausea came over me. I panicked and looked around the room for my mom and realized she wasn't there. I desperately needed her there to help me because I know she's really the only one that can. I threw up and blacked out. That was the end of the dream, simple, not wierd, but oh so real. The feelings I felt were so realistic, that now Im just that much more afraid of the big day. The scariest part for me is, I have no control over this. It's gonna happen, one way or another. I will be awake for the pain, and quite frankly, I just can't handle it. Not just the pain, but the fact that im going to be doing something that I've never done before and have heard nothing but awfulness about it and it involves my innards. My close friends and family know how I feel about messing with innards. They are not to be touched by anything outside of the body. This goes for the baby too. I know it's using my insides as a vessel to grow and thats fine and sweet and I love it, as long as i don't think about it. I know thats a terrible thing to say, but it's how I've always felt. Like if I broke a bone, I would freak out and faint. The idea of knowing something in me has been tampered with and is causing pain on the inside, foriegn pain that shouldn't be happening, if you will, scares the crap out of me. Somebody please tell me its not as bad as it seems. The dread of labor gets worse everyday and Im only 18 wks along! Oh, one comment about the dream last night, it's not that I think James won't be much help or comfort in the delivery room...ok, actually it is. Don't get me wrong, I love him and sometimes the only person in the world I can talk to about emotional stuff is him, but lets be real, when it comes to labor, what does a guy know. That's prolly why I needed my mommy so much. She has been through this and she knows me better than anyone when it comes to my feelings on hospitals, uncertainty and pain and she has a way of calming me and distracting me. All I can say is thank goodness she will be there for this scary, awful, yet most exciting and amazing event. Well, these are my thoughts on the subject, hope I didn't divulge TMI.